Cheating on your partner in a relationship is a big no-no, but despite that, it’s not uncommon to encounter unfaithful partners! While it may seem like a hurtful and reckless act at first glance, there is a lot that can go on in the mind of the cheater. Read on to find out why your wife may be looking for something more than you can offer.
The most common misconception is that men cheat more often than women – but this is not the case at all. Unfortunately, both sexes cheat in more or less the same way. While the number of cheats is the same, the reasons for cheating can be completely different.
Most often, it may be a lack of passion or love in the relationship with the primary partner, the search for sexual variance, or even factors based on situations such as being on vacation or being so drunk that the ability to make a decision is affected.
The famous dating site for married couples, Ashley Madison, has recently made headlines, causing waves regarding the infidelity situation. This is a revolutionary dating site designed for people looking for an extramarital affair. The site has released data indicating that the first few months are the most difficult for couples and that there is an increase in the number of customers in January and especially in February, making these months the most profitable for the site. That’s not all, the divorce filing rate is also higher after the vacations. Most attorneys see a spike in the divorce rate after major holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s. This statistic is confirmed by USA Today, which also estimates that mid-January is the peak of the divorce season! And if you want to avoid getting to that point in your relationship and make sure your partner doesn’t jump on the infidelity bandwagon, read on!
Women who cheat on their partners are severely frowned upon, and here’s the number one reason why they might pursue infidelity despite the backlash they might receive if and when they’re caught.
Although there are very little apparent differences between a man’s reasons for cheating and a woman’s reasons for cheating, it is common to believe that men are more likely to cheat during a relationship. The most common explanation is higher libido and the fact that most men are unable to “stay in their pants,” but studies show that, despite the adage, these misconceptions don’t hold much value.
Zhana Vrangalova, a PhD “sexologist” working at LELO while also being a professor of human sexuality at New York University, brings her perspective to the situation. She says that in a traditional sense, men are very likely to cheat because of the need for sexual variety or a situation presented to them, while women may simply be unhappy in their relationship. While this traditional dialogue may still be true, the gender gap in cheating is decreasing with new generations. Not only is the rate of infidelity, but also the reasons for engaging in it are about the same,” noted Dr. Zhana.
A recent study found that men were more likely to cheat because of their sexual desires and need for variety or simply because they were drunk (situational factors).
Although there may be some variation, the three most common reasons for both sexes can be summarized very easily. These are lack of love, need for variety, and finally, situational factors that arise.
IT IS COMMON TO FIND THAT SEXUAL REASONS ARE THE REASON WHY MANY WOMEN CHEAT.
Alicia Walker, a Ph.D. and assistant professor of sociology at Missouri State University, has shared some valuable information. She spent an entire year interviewing women who were seeking extramarital affairs and shared all of her findings in a book she wrote called “The Secret Life Of Cheating Women.” Her research gave weight to the theory that women cheat most often by seeking sexual variety.
One might think that they are not enough for their partner, but in this case, it is quite the opposite, as her book indicates. Alicia found that because of their desire to be with their primary partner, women begin to externalize sexual pleasure. We can all agree that a person’s sexual needs are as important as any other and when they are not met, women seek to get out of it. So, in order not to break their family or the heart of their primary partner, most women do not ask for sexual pleasure. They may spend months or even years suppressing their needs, but after many efforts and years of trying to improve the situation to no avail, they begin to look outside. This decision is usually not made lightly, but rather after careful consideration.
DISSATISFACTION WITH YOU MAY CAUSE HER TO CHEAT ON YOU.
Another pretty simple point is that they are dissatisfied. Sometimes women don’t do it to save the relationship, but rather to vent some frustration over being stuck in the relationship. They may want to blow up the relationship,” says Charlynn Ruan, PhD, a clinical psychologist. She is the founder of the Thrive Psychology Group, which is a women-centered group practice based in California. In their current relationship, the partner may seem smothering, emotionally unavailable or just plain controlling, but he or she seems kind and gentle on the surface. Women may make a change-oriented suggestion, such as going to couples therapy. They may even try to insist on growth or ask to be emotionally fulfilled, but if these steps don’t work, they often resort to seeking validation elsewhere. This gives their partner a reason to end the relationship.
Dr. Ruan says this is a common occurrence. She believes the narrative often unconsciously goes something like this: The guy is nice, but the woman is unhappy. So there’s something wrong with the woman. So acting out is the only solution these women find.
In heterosexual relationships, it is common to find that women are more likely to initiate divorce than men. Afterwards, they are also relatively happier than their counterparts after the divorce. Despite these numbers, women struggle with the guilt of leaving or abandoning a partner who may need them. They feel that their happiness is not reason enough to escape and leave their relationship, and when leaving their partner is not justified, they seek to cheat.
In the case of a relationship style called “insecure attachment”, the partner is not quite ready to leave, and ends up acting out. The deception then begins, which means keeping all of his options open while making sure he isn’t abandoned or hurt in the process. Mark Williams, LMHC, is a relationship coach who works at Relish. He notes that their need to feel safe and secure is very high. When they are threatened, such as in an argument with their partner, they may end up overcompensating and seeking validation. Their need for attention is something that can be corrected, and this is what people like Mark hope to do. They work with different attachment styles, including insecurity, and find ways to regulate and control the couple’s emotions.
NOW THAT WE KNOW WHY SOMEONE MIGHT BE UNFAITHFUL, HERE ARE SOME WAYS TO NIP IT IN THE BUD BY SPOTTING THE SIGNS. READ ON TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T MISS THESE SIGNS OF INFIDELITY!
There will always be a clue if you feel like your partner is mulling over the idea of having an extramarital affair or may already be having one! Three big indicators are sudden protection or secrecy with phones, overspending with huge cash withdrawals or being away most of the time.
Kathy Nickerson, a licensed psychologist with a doctorate, believes that if your girlfriend is unable to share her location and whereabouts throughout the day or is evasive about it, that may be a clue! Randomly going on an innocent coffee date or continually running into people she has never mentioned before is another alarming clue to watch for. A big red flag would be being wacky when it comes to her phone. A locked screen, keeping it on or using it in the bathroom to shower are common telltale signs.
Relationships can require a lot of work and open communication channels. Be on the lookout for these signs and hope you don’t have to worry!